In a rare circumstance for Dairy Flat Lizzy limbers up for a practice run of Car Skiing.
Sunday, August 29
Bob resumes coverage of the Ocilympics
Good evening from Dairy Flat , home to the 2004 Ocilympics .
Well thanks for the useful comments on the wild cat "situation". I'm sure Reena who is well known for her acts of animal kindness including the "I dived into a semi frozen Canadian river to save a dog" incident will find a way .
Well to recap we have had
Well thanks for the useful comments on the wild cat "situation". I'm sure Reena who is well known for her acts of animal kindness including the "I dived into a semi frozen Canadian river to save a dog" incident will find a way .
Well to recap we have had
- synchronized power eating
- power sleeping
- looking hopefully at the refrigerator
- howling behind the door
- who put the muddy paw prints on the car
This leaves "rodent collecting" (Guest Judge Windsor) , "wrestling " "climbing" and "furniture deconstruction" (thanks for the suggestion Inglewood Pet Rescue) . We will also have a demonstration event which Lizzy will illustrate in a following picture .
Todays event will be "rodent collecting" so get out there and find something nasty , note you may substitute an "introduced pest" if you have already eaten all the mice. Anybody who lays a paw on any native species will be automatically disqualified. Additional points for leaving it somewhere in the house that can only be discovered by moving all the furniture .
So on your marks , get collecting .
This is Bob signing out from Catnetwork News.
Friday, August 27
" News alert - ocilympic coverage interrupted by cat crisis in Red Deer Alberta. Advice needed
Bob and Lizzie's other human, Reena, needs advice from formerly wild cats (or their humans) as to how best to ensure 'Pretty Kitty' and two kittens 'Sparky' and 'Silver' can be assured of warm, friendly homes this winter.
'Pretty Kitty' lives under a garage across the alley from Reena's parents place in Red Deer Alberta (where Reena is visiting). Reena's mum found out about her a few months ago and has been feeding her since (she was very thin), but can't have pets in their senior's condo. She can now touch Pretty Kitty just a little (although on Pretty Kitty's own terms only) and Pretty Kitty will even rollover and show her tummy when waiting to get fed. This is a big change from Pretty Kitty hiding away when Reena's mum first started feeding her.
It appears that Pretty Kitty has survived one Canadian Winter already, which is no mean feat given that somewhere along the way, something happened and the bottom of one of her back legs is missing. She has adapted and is able to get around pretty well.
A few weeks ago Pretty Kitty decided to allow out in public view her two beautiful kittens. We think they are now around 7 weeks old. Pretty Kitty is a very good mum, and keeps them safe - giving them signals about when they can come out and when to hide (e.g. whenever humans get to close).
The SPCA have been called but were not so helpful due to lack of resources. However a local cat organisation has been found and has kindly agreed to take all three and try and find them good homes - if we can get them to them. This means they need to be caught - and time is running short for Sparky and Silver. Suggestions are needed as to the best way to get the three to safety.
A cat trap may be available. It has been suggested that this would likely involve trapping Pretty Kitty first then trying to get the kittens after.
Neither Reena or her folks have any experience in this area, and would like suggestions about the best way to proceed. Should you have any, please feel free to leave them as comments."
Pictures to follow ...
We will return to our Ocilympic coverage soon , this is Bob signing out
'Pretty Kitty' lives under a garage across the alley from Reena's parents place in Red Deer Alberta (where Reena is visiting). Reena's mum found out about her a few months ago and has been feeding her since (she was very thin), but can't have pets in their senior's condo. She can now touch Pretty Kitty just a little (although on Pretty Kitty's own terms only) and Pretty Kitty will even rollover and show her tummy when waiting to get fed. This is a big change from Pretty Kitty hiding away when Reena's mum first started feeding her.
It appears that Pretty Kitty has survived one Canadian Winter already, which is no mean feat given that somewhere along the way, something happened and the bottom of one of her back legs is missing. She has adapted and is able to get around pretty well.
A few weeks ago Pretty Kitty decided to allow out in public view her two beautiful kittens. We think they are now around 7 weeks old. Pretty Kitty is a very good mum, and keeps them safe - giving them signals about when they can come out and when to hide (e.g. whenever humans get to close).
The SPCA have been called but were not so helpful due to lack of resources. However a local cat organisation has been found and has kindly agreed to take all three and try and find them good homes - if we can get them to them. This means they need to be caught - and time is running short for Sparky and Silver. Suggestions are needed as to the best way to get the three to safety.
A cat trap may be available. It has been suggested that this would likely involve trapping Pretty Kitty first then trying to get the kittens after.
Neither Reena or her folks have any experience in this area, and would like suggestions about the best way to proceed. Should you have any, please feel free to leave them as comments."
Pictures to follow ...
We will return to our Ocilympic coverage soon , this is Bob signing out
Wednesday, August 25
Bob introduces guest judge.
Good afternoon Bob here for Catnetwork News.
Well the power sleeping isn't going very well for our local entrants . Lizzy who is now power sleeping (like duh) woke early and collected leaves . On the synchronized , eating front , well goes without saying , the younger you are the more you need, anybody younger than seven months out there !!
I' d like to introduce Windsor our guest judge .
Here is her resume as forwarded by her agent Sheila
Windsor is a working cat at Windsor Plywood in Prince Albert Saskatchewan Canada who is a keen Ocilympic spectator but is MUCH TOO BUSY to participate - being a full time working cat responsible for vermin control in a large suburban building supply store - although in her youth she was well known as a potential Canadian Ocilympic contender in the "live mouse snatch and grab event'.
While tomorrow is a rest day from today's big sleeping events we will soon be continuing on with our program which as you can tell from out new judges back ground could include something small furry and very tasty.
This is Bob signing of from Catnetwork News.
Post script, Reena, Lizzy wants to know when she will get a post card?
Well the power sleeping isn't going very well for our local entrants . Lizzy who is now power sleeping (like duh) woke early and collected leaves . On the synchronized , eating front , well goes without saying , the younger you are the more you need, anybody younger than seven months out there !!
I' d like to introduce Windsor our guest judge .
Here is her resume as forwarded by her agent Sheila
Windsor is a working cat at Windsor Plywood in Prince Albert Saskatchewan Canada who is a keen Ocilympic spectator but is MUCH TOO BUSY to participate - being a full time working cat responsible for vermin control in a large suburban building supply store - although in her youth she was well known as a potential Canadian Ocilympic contender in the "live mouse snatch and grab event'.
While tomorrow is a rest day from today's big sleeping events we will soon be continuing on with our program which as you can tell from out new judges back ground could include something small furry and very tasty.
This is Bob signing of from Catnetwork News.
Post script, Reena, Lizzy wants to know when she will get a post card?
Tuesday, August 24
Welcome to day three of the Ocilympics
Good afternoon Bob here reporting from day three of the Ocilympics.
No drug scandal's to report so far but we have not seen any weight lifting yet. But frankly lifting weights , why?
Brilliant effort by the cats at Ashton Hall, I must say the competition is looking , well very competitive. Bad news on the power nap Grace, a harder event than it first appeared !
We have come to two of our most hotly contested and popular events , yes its the "longest sleep" and the "synchronized power eating". Warm up your motors team , these are the biggies .
For practical purposes we will be starting with the "synchronized power eating" , in this you need a buddy , if you are a solo cat and Bogie that might be you nip next door and grab something fuzzy with a big apatite , unless you can convince Lori of the merits of catfood .
Ok here is the deal , one bowl each, one entire can of your favorite cat food per bowl, that's the 400 gram size , that would be half a pound I guess . Top it up with 1 cup of dry cat biscuits .
Are you ready ? Right, one eye on the clock GO.
Note anybody who throws up before finishing will be disqualified and remember this is a team event so try and finish together as you get extra points for this . If one of you keels over saying "I can't eat another thing" but your buddy can finish for you no points will be deducted and the Buddy gets a bonus "I ate till I exploded" award.
Obviously this sort of power eating can lead to gastric problems so we are slipping in a special bonus "I cleared the living room " certificate to any of you who can blame it on the dog and get away with it .
I can't type and eat so me and Lizzy will be doing our eating later.
Once you have done this I suggest you get straight into the "longest sleep" , find some where really cozy note the time the hit it. We'll be checking from time to time . (one bathroom stop permitted )
Ok off you go.
This is Bob signing off from Catnetwork News your Ocilympic channel.
No drug scandal's to report so far but we have not seen any weight lifting yet. But frankly lifting weights , why?
Brilliant effort by the cats at Ashton Hall, I must say the competition is looking , well very competitive. Bad news on the power nap Grace, a harder event than it first appeared !
We have come to two of our most hotly contested and popular events , yes its the "longest sleep" and the "synchronized power eating". Warm up your motors team , these are the biggies .
For practical purposes we will be starting with the "synchronized power eating" , in this you need a buddy , if you are a solo cat and Bogie that might be you nip next door and grab something fuzzy with a big apatite , unless you can convince Lori of the merits of catfood .
Ok here is the deal , one bowl each, one entire can of your favorite cat food per bowl, that's the 400 gram size , that would be half a pound I guess . Top it up with 1 cup of dry cat biscuits .
Are you ready ? Right, one eye on the clock GO.
Note anybody who throws up before finishing will be disqualified and remember this is a team event so try and finish together as you get extra points for this . If one of you keels over saying "I can't eat another thing" but your buddy can finish for you no points will be deducted and the Buddy gets a bonus "I ate till I exploded" award.
Obviously this sort of power eating can lead to gastric problems so we are slipping in a special bonus "I cleared the living room " certificate to any of you who can blame it on the dog and get away with it .
I can't type and eat so me and Lizzy will be doing our eating later.
Once you have done this I suggest you get straight into the "longest sleep" , find some where really cozy note the time the hit it. We'll be checking from time to time . (one bathroom stop permitted )
Ok off you go.
This is Bob signing off from Catnetwork News your Ocilympic channel.
Brief note from Ace reporter Bob .
Good morning
Woo, we are impressed with the work of our USA freelance Ocilympics reporting , check it out at http://ashtoncats.blogspot.com
Bob , going back to bed while nobody is looking .
Woo, we are impressed with the work of our USA freelance Ocilympics reporting , check it out at http://ashtoncats.blogspot.com
Bob , going back to bed while nobody is looking .
Monday, August 23
Day two of events at the Ocilympics
..
Good evening Bob here from Catnetwork News bringing you this second day of competition from the Winter Ocilympics here in Dairy Flat (important note , there isn't a dairy and its not really that flat).
Welcome aboard Bogie, glad you could make it and yes we do have two events which we know you will love .
These are the "staring at the refrigerator" and " looking hopeful" in fact, lets combine them into "looking hopefully at the refrigerator whilst manipulating ones owner for maximum reward" , bit of a mouthful but hey that's what we are looking for .
So on the count of three, head for the fridge , look really pathetic and let us know the results , we will have IOC members out there so no cheating .
Event two which naturally follows the limbering up a good chow down can achieve with be the "Power Nap" , in this you must appear asleep but at the slightest crinkle of a potato chip bag you must leap into the air and yell "who me ? ", "it was that other cat " and "it was like that when I found it " . Points will be award for sincerity and believability . Points will be deducted if you are asleep and carry on through the secondary sound of the top coming of the jelly meat can.
Get to it team , tomorrow some team events.
This is Bob from Catnetwork News limbering up for the big sleep, Chris have you put the electric blanket on yet ?
Good evening Bob here from Catnetwork News bringing you this second day of competition from the Winter Ocilympics here in Dairy Flat (important note , there isn't a dairy and its not really that flat).
Welcome aboard Bogie, glad you could make it and yes we do have two events which we know you will love .
These are the "staring at the refrigerator" and " looking hopeful" in fact, lets combine them into "looking hopefully at the refrigerator whilst manipulating ones owner for maximum reward" , bit of a mouthful but hey that's what we are looking for .
So on the count of three, head for the fridge , look really pathetic and let us know the results , we will have IOC members out there so no cheating .
Event two which naturally follows the limbering up a good chow down can achieve with be the "Power Nap" , in this you must appear asleep but at the slightest crinkle of a potato chip bag you must leap into the air and yell "who me ? ", "it was that other cat " and "it was like that when I found it " . Points will be award for sincerity and believability . Points will be deducted if you are asleep and carry on through the secondary sound of the top coming of the jelly meat can.
Get to it team , tomorrow some team events.
This is Bob from Catnetwork News limbering up for the big sleep, Chris have you put the electric blanket on yet ?
Sunday, August 22
Sleeping cats delay start to Ocilympics
Good afternoon Bob here , hey is that my picture below ? Lies , lies I tell you it wasn't me it was another cat . Sorry where was I , oh yes the first event of the Ocilympics has been delayed because several of the contestants over-did the training for the "20 hour sleep", Molly I think we all know who we mean.
Well we are starting off this afternoon with two events , the "Howling behind the door" and the "Who put the muddy paw prints on the clean car ?".
Contestants step forward please , WAKE UP MOLLY .
In this Ocilympic event each contestant will be presented with three closed doors, behind one and one only will be the "mighty one" the provider of all that is bliss in cat food, behind the others , certain death , whoops sorry got carried away there , behind the others nothing .
Your task is to choose the correct door and then howl as loudly and as possible , judging will be on volume and patheticness.
Points will be awarded towards a final score across all events.
Molly I said wake up .
In event two contestants will be presented with a selection of vehicles , they must choose the cleanest, find mud on a dry day and then without anybody seeing make sure every panel is marked with prints , additional points will be allocated for clear evidence of loss of traction on the windscreen.
Results as they come to hand.
This is Bob for Catnetwork , your Ocilympic Channel.
Well we are starting off this afternoon with two events , the "Howling behind the door" and the "Who put the muddy paw prints on the clean car ?".
Contestants step forward please , WAKE UP MOLLY .
In this Ocilympic event each contestant will be presented with three closed doors, behind one and one only will be the "mighty one" the provider of all that is bliss in cat food, behind the others , certain death , whoops sorry got carried away there , behind the others nothing .
Your task is to choose the correct door and then howl as loudly and as possible , judging will be on volume and patheticness.
Points will be awarded towards a final score across all events.
Molly I said wake up .
In event two contestants will be presented with a selection of vehicles , they must choose the cleanest, find mud on a dry day and then without anybody seeing make sure every panel is marked with prints , additional points will be allocated for clear evidence of loss of traction on the windscreen.
Results as they come to hand.
This is Bob for Catnetwork , your Ocilympic Channel.
Saturday, August 21
Bob reports from the opening of the Ocilympics
Good evening , Bob here for Catnetwork News.
Well it's a typical winter evening here in Dairy Flat and spectators are wading from their cars to the opening ceremony .
Preparations have been frantic all week and the garage whoops sorry main stadium is looking superb.
Several nearby venues have also just been completed on time and yes the bathroom did take two years to renovate but it is now fully ready for the "Dump the half eaten mouse on the bath mat" event.
I can see a few Cats carrying out last minute training , yes there's Murphy the Monster coughing up a hairball , he's representing Albany and there's Sushi form Okura .
The overseas entries are pouring in and we have Molly from Brisbane representing the yellow and green as well as Riker and Grace in the red white and blue . Bogie where are you ?
Somebody has tossed an incendiary in the neighbor's barn , I guess that must be the spectacular opening we had been promised , well done no expense spared , well no expense at all.
The games will get underway first thing in the morning with the the popular and universal "Howling behind a door".
This is Bob signing off from Catnetwork News.
Well it's a typical winter evening here in Dairy Flat and spectators are wading from their cars to the opening ceremony .
Preparations have been frantic all week and the garage whoops sorry main stadium is looking superb.
Several nearby venues have also just been completed on time and yes the bathroom did take two years to renovate but it is now fully ready for the "Dump the half eaten mouse on the bath mat" event.
I can see a few Cats carrying out last minute training , yes there's Murphy the Monster coughing up a hairball , he's representing Albany and there's Sushi form Okura .
The overseas entries are pouring in and we have Molly from Brisbane representing the yellow and green as well as Riker and Grace in the red white and blue . Bogie where are you ?
Somebody has tossed an incendiary in the neighbor's barn , I guess that must be the spectacular opening we had been promised , well done no expense spared , well no expense at all.
The games will get underway first thing in the morning with the the popular and universal "Howling behind a door".
This is Bob signing off from Catnetwork News.
Thursday, August 19
Lizzy reforms and enters the Ocilympics
"Good afternoon Bob here reporting for Catnetwork News.
Well the breaking news is that former cat burglar Lizzy (now reformed) has entered several events in the Ocilympics .
Yes the Ocilympics , that drug free alternative games for small furry things with a feline heritage .
Only a few days now to the opening ceremony and the first of the events. The equipment is ready and the contestants working on final preparations .
In the true spirit of the games I have teamed with Lizzy in a number of events including the premier event held on the last day "synchronized eating"
I must say I am looking forward to bringing you this exclusive coverage from Dairy Flat home of the 2004 Ocilympics .
This is Bob signing off for Catnetwork News"
Well the breaking news is that former cat burglar Lizzy (now reformed) has entered several events in the Ocilympics .
Yes the Ocilympics , that drug free alternative games for small furry things with a feline heritage .
Only a few days now to the opening ceremony and the first of the events. The equipment is ready and the contestants working on final preparations .
In the true spirit of the games I have teamed with Lizzy in a number of events including the premier event held on the last day "synchronized eating"
I must say I am looking forward to bringing you this exclusive coverage from Dairy Flat home of the 2004 Ocilympics .
This is Bob signing off for Catnetwork News"
Tuesday, August 17
Lizzy is sentenced
"Good morning Bob from Catnetwork News here, well this morning Lizzy the self confessed spectacle thief was sentenced .
In passing his sentence Judge Chris said the punishment must fit the crime and although the words "public flogging" were heard from the dog end of the gallery the sentence was as follows:
In passing his sentence Judge Chris said the punishment must fit the crime and although the words "public flogging" were heard from the dog end of the gallery the sentence was as follows:
- a maximum of four leaves to be brought inside each day
- there will be a zero tolerance for any further instances of the "I shredded Reena's birthdays cards for fun episode "
- there will be be no more snow foam brought in from the garage, and most importantly once in it will not be shredded
- purring loudly at all acts of kindness from anyone is mandatory
- the spectacles will never be stolen again
- no further packs of tissues will be emptied tissue at a time and spread around the house
- the toilet paper is to stay on the ROLL
Catnetwork News understands that there may be an appeal as the last punishment was seen as particularly harsh
This is Bob for Catnetwork News returning you to our Olympic coverage "
Sunday, August 15
Spectacle thief named , shock revelations
"Good morning , Bob here from Catnetwork news
In a shock announcement Lizzy the Cat has been named as the spectacle thief, found guilty after a sudden confession and released on bail pending sentencing.
In an exclusive interview with Lizzy Catnetwork News was told that it had only been a bit of fun and she would never do it again " "I've learned my lesson , I'm rehabilitated , a changed cat, I'll be following the straight and narrow "
"This is Bob returning you to your Olympic coverage "
In a shock announcement Lizzy the Cat has been named as the spectacle thief, found guilty after a sudden confession and released on bail pending sentencing.
In an exclusive interview with Lizzy Catnetwork News was told that it had only been a bit of fun and she would never do it again " "I've learned my lesson , I'm rehabilitated , a changed cat, I'll be following the straight and narrow "
"This is Bob returning you to your Olympic coverage "
Friday, August 13
Cat charged !!!
"Good evening this is Bob reporting for Catnetwork News. We have just heard that a cat has been charged with spectacle theft however, an application to the High Court for name suppression has been granted so I am unable to give you more details .
What I can say is that the paw prints on the spectacles match those of the originally arrested suspect.
In an interesting twist Catnetwork News have heard of a similar crime being committed in North America and so now the question is , could this be serial spectacle theft or just a copy cat crime ?
This is Bob signing out from Catnetwork News"
Post script , mouse nil, cats one .
What I can say is that the paw prints on the spectacles match those of the originally arrested suspect.
In an interesting twist Catnetwork News have heard of a similar crime being committed in North America and so now the question is , could this be serial spectacle theft or just a copy cat crime ?
This is Bob signing out from Catnetwork News"
Post script , mouse nil, cats one .
Thursday, August 12
Spectacles found , suspect arrested
Latest news in our reporter Bob
"Hello and welcome back to the scene of the crime , well the breaking news is that the spectacles have been found and taken away for paw printing , in the mean time a cat has been arrested and is currently undergoing questioning . "
This live from Pawlice Inspector Chris "Our prime suspect normally wears a collar but was found with it missing and the bell discovered at the scene yesterday was of the same metal as that normally used in the construction of the suspects collar. We feel a strong link has been established and once paw printing is complete we will consider laying charges "
This is Bob from Catnetwork news signing off
"Hello and welcome back to the scene of the crime , well the breaking news is that the spectacles have been found and taken away for paw printing , in the mean time a cat has been arrested and is currently undergoing questioning . "
This live from Pawlice Inspector Chris "Our prime suspect normally wears a collar but was found with it missing and the bell discovered at the scene yesterday was of the same metal as that normally used in the construction of the suspects collar. We feel a strong link has been established and once paw printing is complete we will consider laying charges "
This is Bob from Catnetwork news signing off
Wednesday, August 11
The spectacle mystery continues
Catnetwork news reporter Bob continues this exclusive report :
"Well here I am at the scene of the crime , the bedroom, and our team of one semi-blind detective (Chris) have been hard at work interviewing suspects (one) and looking for forensic evidence . I did notice one suspicious item being bagged and tagged, a bell, from a cat collar ......
The search continues well into the night and powerful lamps are being brought into action (one Big Jim torch, note to self remind Chris to get new batteries) and dark scary places (under the bed) receive a meticulous (see semi blind above) search.
This is Bob from Catnetwork news "
"Well here I am at the scene of the crime , the bedroom, and our team of one semi-blind detective (Chris) have been hard at work interviewing suspects (one) and looking for forensic evidence . I did notice one suspicious item being bagged and tagged, a bell, from a cat collar ......
The search continues well into the night and powerful lamps are being brought into action (one Big Jim torch, note to self remind Chris to get new batteries) and dark scary places (under the bed) receive a meticulous (see semi blind above) search.
This is Bob from Catnetwork news "
News Flash
Spectacles go missing overnight , cat prime suspect .
More on this story as it unfolds .
This is Bob reporting for Catnetwork News
Tuesday, August 10
Tuesday by Bob
Mystery of Reena has been solved, she is not as we previously thought hiding under the bed she is in fact visiting our relatives Yoda and Princess Leia in Calgary . We expect pictures.
Leaf thief as yet not found but we are working up a plot.
Last night we thought Chris needed comfort so we woke him up by bouncing on him and then purred like hell for half an hour , I mean it wasn't that early....really.
I am now fully in control of my sleeping position (see previous notes on "owner training") and have found that under the covers works for me.
Days are getting longer (I wonder how that works) so out door cruises time gradually extending .
We have discovered secret entrance to garage.
Sunday, August 8
The weekend by Bob
Saturday.
We thought it was a normal weekday and were caught on a major "away from base" expedition. We could hear Chris calling us in the distance mid-afternoon but thought "what the hell" lets keep going . Anyway when we got back it was nearly dark but by then the "come indoors" bribe had expanded to fresh salmon so all was not lost.
Lizzy continued her leaf collection but we can't work out what is happening to them , she says she brought in 15 on Saturday night but they keep disappearing , will set a trap and nab leaf thief.
We thought it was a normal weekday and were caught on a major "away from base" expedition. We could hear Chris calling us in the distance mid-afternoon but thought "what the hell" lets keep going . Anyway when we got back it was nearly dark but by then the "come indoors" bribe had expanded to fresh salmon so all was not lost.
Lizzy continued her leaf collection but we can't work out what is happening to them , she says she brought in 15 on Saturday night but they keep disappearing , will set a trap and nab leaf thief.
Sunday
Reena is missing. Note to self , check under beds.
Tuesday, August 3
Lizzys Tuesday by Bob
This morning Lizzy developed a new and incredibly inventive way to make Reena late for her plane to Wellington.
"Look Reena my paw is jammed in the toaster" .
Now that’s what I call a master stroke of genius.
There was a lot of shouting, Chris running straight from the shower to the kitchen, Reena clutching Lizzy and toaster, it was hilarious. The toaster wasn’t actually toasting, but the overall effect was pure theatre.
The paw was extracted (but only when Lizzy relaxed her grip).
We have been laughing about it all day while relaxing in the sun and watching those fish.
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